How do those thoughts literally get out of your mind? Do something stupid… Self-harm.

An overwhelming feeling of anger, stress and anxiety too has to bring me to this point where I can’t take it no more and where the pain needs to be physical to get out of my mind. This is something I even bypass when talking to my doctor and none of my friends know about this or family. It’s quite hard not being able to talk really out loud about it and I’ve done this as a child too, helps with difficult feelings. It’s not the usual method of cut self, overdose, drugs or drink.

Your suspense is probably building up so I’ll get to the point and that is smashing my head into walls, wooden beams of doors, bed posts, trees. The after maths is different to the others, so it’s painful but soothing and as the blood cells rush towards the head it makes me want to sleep. 

The problem is that for years I’ve not seen this as real self-harm, I’m only banging my head? However there are lots of other different types of self-harm and this is not one I do for attention. Nobody sees it or knows about it and I’ve been doing it for years as a daft coping mechanism because the headache gets me out of my mind directly. The possible side effects I’ve not even googled because I’m scared. 

I’m not doing this as much as previously did, it’s stopped for a long time which is why I’m able to talk about it more, maybe I’ll confess once I’m back in counselling.

Q’s: Have you ever done this kind of self-harm before? Would you even class it as self-harm?  Have you googled what might happen after smashing your head into things with force? Let me know in the comments section below. 

My new hair journey.

NEWS FLASH

I’m growing my pixie cut.

My hair looks like shit, haha’… Wait that’s not funny.

I’ve had my hair in a pixie cut for over a year now, it was longer and one afternoon all cut off at my local salon, cuckoo folk. Absolutely adored my short hair, great job on the hairdressers part too, dyed it purple and was straight outside. Complements followed and people telling me how much short hair suited me. However this is where the story changes, due to lack of self esteem, in fact the main reason why got my hair because the truth is that it did not grow properly! I’ve always wanted mermaid hair, how I’d kill to have the little mermaids hair. Kill. Anyways, moving forward from my usual morbid posting style, I’m looking to try and grow it out again. This time I will do this right, not attempt to slap a new color on it.

What I am going to do is..

  • Eat healthy, I want to lose weight also.
  • Will be taking vitamins, just need to do a little bit more research on this but I’m sure holland and barrett won’t be shy to sell me everything and anything.
  • Washing my hair once every four days with shampoo and conditioner
  • Use heat protection.
  • Will get a trim once every 3 months, just half an inch so that it’s not all split ends.
  • Won’t use any hairspray products or dye. Crying at tbh’.
  • Buy accessories to help change my hair when it looks rubbish, positive hopes.
  • Hair masks, homemade/bought will try them both.
  • Use inspo’ pix, Instagram and Pinterest will be mainly where I look.

A long journey to embark on, please be patient. Those words will be shortly flowed after my crisis call, this is a long term commitment. My struggle with a lot of things in life is that I expect them to be instant, like television or pizza delivery and if they aren’t great disappointment will follow. Growing out my hair means a lot to me as a step in the right direction and for me to say I can do this.

Thanks for reading, I’ll be posting hair updates in the comments section below and will re-post this in a years time with a time to show the difference.

Pictures, When I first got my hair cut a year ago and now after keeping it trimmed.